Can't Stand the Heat, Part II

The old, ugly kitchen is gone, daddy gone. The boys took a SawzAll to the horrible cabinets and countertop and cut them to pieces. The wood is piled in the yard, and is waiting for removal in the big ass dumpster that should be delivered in the next day or so. They have been replaced with nice, clean white cabinets, and the kitchen now looks amazing. There have been several real estate professionals who have looked at this and have been blown away by the change. The best part, these cabinets were sitting in the basement of my office building, so the ultimate cost to me was zero dollars. I am still looking at getting this bear on the market in another two weeks. Next, we start working on getting the walls ready to paint and the floor ready to be replaced.

The biggest problem was getting the plumbing straightened out. Nothing was done correctly, and the additional expense was somewhat unexpected.

There is a brief hiatus in the work, which is a consequence of the need for the electrician to straighten out a few wiring issues.

Makin' Progress

The painters arrived ten minutes early, at 7:20am. They busted their asses, scraping, skim coating walls, and prepping for the first coat of Benjamin Moore Fresh Start Primer. We are making progress inside of the Green Monster.

Over the last two days, in anticipation of the arrival of the painters, I removed the New England Brickmaster brick work in the kitchen, and ripped up the newish carpet in the living room, exposing the hardwood floors. I note that when all of the floors were refinished, the living room was not. I will be calling in my team of experts to sand and refinish the hardwood in the living room, and to match it to the rest of the house. Impossible, you say? Not for my excellent floor guy.

As for the outside, the front porch is finally nearing completion (after about three more days than originally estimated by the carpenters). Some new newell posts, from the G.V. Moore Lumber Company will make the front look awesome. The changes to this house are amazing, and once the painting and kitchen floor are completed, the house goes back on the market.

Right now, I am anticipating a May 15th listing date, and I am sure that this is not unreasonable, given the progress that we are making.

I continue to haul away trash, and yet another run to the dump is scheduled for tomorrow.

The costs, thus far, are slightly higher than I anticipated; however, I am still expecting to come in around my original estimate of $10,000.00. I figure that if I am within 20% of that figure, I have done all right.

Crop Circles, or Alien Landing Sites

This is a picture of the side yard of the Green Monster. Note the circle created by the retro-rockets of the alien space craft that landed in the yard.

Other possible explanations of the grassless circle:

10. A giant, sideless sandbox seemed like a good idea.

9. Ozone hole over the yard caused UV rays from the sun to burn out the grass, to the roots.

8. Whimsical fire pit for those cool evenings with family and friends.

7. When global warming causes sea level to rise, house will have its own private beach.

6. Land not fully reclaimed after strip mining operation was concluded.

5. Convenient place for neighborhood oil changes.

4. Target for testing of Iranian missiles.

3. Giant litter box for neighborhood cats.

2. Future home of Starbucks.

And the number one explanation for the grassless circle...

1. That's where the above-ground pool used to be.

Grass will start growing soon, I hope.

If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen!

This is the kitchen counter, which is covered with cleaning supplies, tools and some bottled water. There really isn't anything funny to say about this. In fact, it is kind of sad.

The cabinets could be nice, if they were stripped and painted white. Unfortunately, due to the age of the house, and my unwillingness to spend hours cooped up in the kitchen stripping, sanding, and rehanging doors, I have decided to rip the cabinets out of the wall and to start over with some newer, whiter cabinets and a fresh, clean countertop. The existing butcher block counter, while...interesting, is not something that fits into the vision for the kitchen.

Additionally, after some debate, and manifold opinions, my choice of a beige floor has won out over grey. The consensus (where there was a consensus) was that grey is not a kitchen color.

Any flooring, however, will be a vast improvement over the mess that is there now. The multicolored linoleum is ghastly, and no amount of mopping, scrubbing, and buffing can make it attractive. In fact, the first day in the house, I mopped the floor. The water was black with dirt, and the second go around was not much better.

The floor under the dishwasher was also a mess becuase of a leaky water line. This will be repaired on the 24th of April, and the new cabinets will go in later in the week.

Funnily enough, there was a rug on the floor in front of the dishwasher. It had been stapled to the floor to cover up missing linoleum. Interesting, very interesting. Just another surprise in the Green Monster.

The dining room of the Green Monster. Note the beautiful color, with coordinating border. The border is now gone, and the walls are soon to be painted a traditional Dove White (a Benjamin Moore color).

While it is my intention to avoid extravagant changes to the GM, I do not want to use substandard products. Benjamin Moore paints are among the best, and seem to be the choice of most professional painters. The paint wears well, is scrubable, and can hold up under the wear and tear that comes from little kids. I also want to draw your attention to the replacement windows and the dark wood casings. What makes this such an egregious decorating don't is that the solution was so simple. A little Ben Moore Satin Impervo and the windows wouldn't look like such an afterthought.

This room was the pick of the litter. The hardwood floors are freshly refinished; and, apart from a few drywall screws in the walls to hang pictures (!?!), the walls are in good shape.

Other walls in the house, which are horse hair plaster, have gouges, cracks, and holes. One of the rooms had a carpet which smelled like urine, mainly because it was stained with urine. Since this medium doesn't convey the true pain I felt removing the carpet (which has been entered in Urine Fest 2006), I have devised the following equation to help you understand: The Worst Mens' Room You Have Ever Been In + Kenmore Square T Station After a Red Sox Game/Urine Sample = The Smell in the Bedroom Carpet.

The carpet pad had a thin layer of dust on it, and the floor underneath also had a layer of dust. The amazing thing is that 21st Century Technology has a means of cleaning such a room. It is sold under the brand name "Hoover" and it makes a loud noise when you plug it into a wall socket and turn on the switch.

The same room had close to fifty (50) used Q-Tips under the radiator. They may have been thrown at a nearby garbage can, or they may have been near the radiator to melt the wax in order to make candles. Either way, removal of the offending swabs was a project that required gloves, a mask, and a two-hour shower afterward.

Oh, and I also found $0.53 in the miasma. At least I am making money on this house.

Lesson Number One in the selling of a house: Clean it.

The Other Green Monster

A view from the side, through the big ass tree in the front. A week ago, the tree had so many low branches that hung over the sidewalk and that blocked the sun completely. There were no railings on the porch, and the support posts were rotten.

There is something sublime about taking a SawzAll to a house. The feeling of satisfaction as the old is demolished, and the new appears. The intense pleasure is dissapated by the fact that someone else is wielding the tool, but still, it is pretty cool.

This picture is taken after the mismatched forest green screen door is sent packing. Plans for the outside include replacing the rickety hand rails on the stairs, painting the porch floor some color other than pine tree green, and installing black shutters on the windows. Oh, and the front door will be stripped bare and painted a glossy black.

The Green Monster

Art Arfons raced a car on the Bonneville Salt Flats, in Utah, called "The Green Monster." The car was pretty damned fast.

Fenway Park has a "Green Monster." Not as fast as the car, but a pain for the fielders who have to patrol left field at Fenway. The house is not as green as either, but it still makes people crazy.

In fact, I must have been effing crazy to start this nonsense. But I am in, with both feet.

Making Progress

The carpenters arrived with the stock for the railings and posts on the front porch. The original posts were split and looked like hell. The new posts are clean, pre-primed (to save time on painting) and will look so much better than the originals. Also, new railings and ballusters will make this place look a lot better than it did before. I can not imagine trying to get someone to buy a big old house with a porch with no railings, rickety stairs, and a cracked floor.

Thus far, the project costs are in line with my estimates, although pre-primed posts and stock costs about three times as much as regular pressure treated wood.

Boring, but stay with me. The dynamite stories follow.

One Week Out

This is the start of a new endeavour on my part. I am a man of the people, a professional with no skills whatsoever. On a whim, I decided that I would try to make money in real estate by buying a property, fixing what is broken, then trying to sell it to make a little chunk of change.

The project started last week, and has been an experience thus far. I have discovered that with real estate, all things are not as they seem. What appears to be a nice, well-maintained home can turn into an absolute nightmare. And people wonder why their beloved homes sit on the market.

The concept arose out of a desire to prove to the adoring masses that a normal guy, with nothing more than a strong will to succeed can, in the words of Larry the Cable Guy, "Git 'er done."

I started with a one hundred year old Victorian style home in a small town in New England. The house itself is structurally sound, and has a lot of lovely features, like freshly painted walls (each a different color selected from the "Discontinued Awful Colors" bin at Homeless Depot). Later posts will have pictures to prove my statements true; and, you will be able to see the progress on this house in a way that DIY, HGTV, or Bob Vila wouldn't allow.

So, let the postings begin....